I wrote another essay for my Comp class that I'm gonna post on here. I didn't cite it, because I don't exactly remember where I got all this information. It's kind of something I've known for a long time. Although I was reading something recently on this subject, it wasn't anything I hadn't heard before. Like I've known the reasons behind why some people act the way they do. Thanks Mom and Dad x]
Anyway. Here it is. And I'll keep everyone posted on what kind of a grade I get on it. I wrote it today because I thought it was due tonight...but it's not until next week. Go figure. At least I have it done though. OK. I'll stop rambling and post the darn thing.
bee tee dubs....it's longer than the last one. Sorryyyy. Read anyway [:
The Dysfunctional Family
What is a dysfunctional family? There are many definitions, from absent parents to abusive siblings to chemical addictions to money problems to eating disorders. For now though, we will focus on the one that stems from chemical addiction. This could be prominent in any member of the family, but shows most of its effects when it is taken up by the head of the household. Picture a family: a father and mother, an oldest son, two daughters, then another son.
The father is an alcoholic. The reason for this can be accredited to a compilation of things. He began at a young age to drink socially, to fit in with his peers. As he got older, he still drank socially, but also used alcohol as a way to regulate the way he felt, and as time went on, to erase his feelings altogether when he could not bear them. He was not that far gone yet, though. He married a lovely woman, and produced a family of four children. However, his alcohol dependency was still evident. He would drink on weekends, and almost every other night of the week as well. This did not affect his job, generally, and he mostly led a normal life. Normal to the outside maybe, but his family will see otherwise.
The alcoholic’s wife is greatly affected by her husband’s addiction. As his alcohol problem worsens, and he is working less, she is forced to work a job to help pay the bills, which gives her less time with her children, and we will see soon how that will affect each of them. The wife, and mother, is forced into the role of the bill payer, and she frequently supports her husband’s alcoholism in ways not to her knowledge. As she works to keep the family afloat, she gives him less of a reason to do that very same thing and he sinks farther into his compulsion. Also, she covers up his habits by trying hard to make their family appear normal, and hiding the mistakes he makes. She will pick him up when he is out drunk, and bail him out of jail, so furthering his problem. He has no need to face his addiction or make a change, because his wife enables him to be how he is.
The first born son of the family has a hard life. He sees how his father’s addiction has taken hold of his life, and he determines to be nothing at all like him. He strives in school to achieve good grades, and he is one of the better athletes on his sports team. He is always winning awards, and being commended by those around him. He does this because he is seeking the affirmation he will not get at home from his father, who is too busy drinking, and his mother, who is too busy enabling her husband’s drinking. The son even falls into enabling his father’s addiction as well, by also bailing him out when his addiction has gotten him into trouble.
The oldest daughter has some of her brother’s characteristics, as well as her mother’s. She strives for approval, but cannot do too well in school, as she is stuck at home most of the time taking care of the house while her mother works. She becomes the primary caregiver while her mother is busy, and is deprived of her childhood. She does not have time for games, or friends, or her own life. She feels slighted because she spends her life doing what should be someone else’s job, and wishes for recognition, but is uncomfortable when she receives it.
The second daughter is much different from her sister. She is not strong and able to take care of a family. Instead she puts on a feeble front, and seeks attention from males, since she does not get any from her father. She is used and abused by most that pass her by, because she is too quick to accept anyone who will give her a kind word. She steadily becomes more and more emotionally unstable.
The youngest child is the rebel of the family. He looks up at his two oldest siblings, and sees that he cannot amount to his brother, and could never handle what his sister does, so he goes for the exact opposite. He hangs out with the wrong crowd, and experiments with drugs and alcohol. He is failing in school, does not do anything productive, and constantly needles at his siblings, causing strife for attention. While he is doing all this, he puts on a joking front in public. He is always the one laughing, or being laughed at, and he is ok with that. It is his safeguard because it is acceptance without having to let someone in too deep. On the outside, he is a joker, but on the inside, he is depressed.
Every single member of the family is drastically affected by one person’s chemical addiction, and not only in their lives outside of the home. When they are home together, everyone is constantly aware of the father’s mood. Anything could pique his temper and cause a fit of rage, and that could send the whole family reeling with fear. They tiptoe around him, and their relationships with each other fail because they are always concerned with what his reaction may to be to something as simple as someone singing through the house, or playing video games too loud, or running up the stairs. The second daughter now has a child, and the older daughter must take care of her. The older girl wishes she could run away but could not bear to leave her family because she knows they would not get by without her. The mother does not force her husband to face his situation because she is afraid of him, and thinks it better to just handle the household by herself.
Though the father looks at his own addiction and sees it as a letdown to himself, he fails to realize how much it affects his family. He does not see that he is pushing his wife to leave her family to work in his place. He does not see his oldest son working for approval because he will not get his father’s. He does not see his one daughter taking care of the home, or his other one being abused as she searches for love and admiration that she will not find from the one who she should first seek it from. He does not see his youngest son following him down the same path. He is oblivious, because he only looks at himself.
