From PHC to GCC

I'm going to kick back and write this as if everyone who reads it has been eagerly waiting for me to post an update on the current happenings of Christina Fortini. (I realize this may not be the actual reality of those who will glance over this post, but hey a girl can dream.) So what'd been going on? Answer: SO MUCH I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE. But I'm going to go ahead and describe. (Irony?)

As most of my readers probably know already, I transferred schools. Yes, I got up and left Patrick Henry College, my full time school of three semesters, to continue my education at Grove City College. For a while now I've been mostly keeping the reasoning behind my decision on the down low because I really wanted to make this huge decision free of judgment aside from those who I trust and depend on. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm sure anyone I told about my reasoning would have had tons of great things to say but the reality was I was afraid of what it would be.

When I decided on Patrick Henry College, I REALLY wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to go to a prestigious law school, practice law, be great and powerful and successful in everything I did. Then I went through a year of killing my self in academics to come out on the other side barely accomplishing anything. I wondered if I really wanted to pursue law, if I really wanted to continue the personal expense to say that I did 'well' in school. I got to the point where I had to ask myself, "Are you still going to be the same person on the other side of this while you destroy your mind and your body working this hard?" Eventually I had an answer: no. While I loved Patrick Henry, and its mission and academic rigor, it was not for me. Sure, I could get the grades, and I could write the papers, and I could study hard just like the next person, but it took its toll on me.

It has taken me a really long time (obviously) to be able to come out and say that publicly. I know very well the opinion of the student body at PHC, and how they find their identity in succeeding at a school that is one of the hardest, and expects the most. While at first I thought that I was one of these students, I realized that I could not go on finding my worth in grades (or lack thereof). Now don't take this the wrong way: I did not transfer because PHC was too hard, but the result of the 'hardness' caused me to reevaluate my life goals. I decided I wanted to do something else: graduate school.

While this change from law school plans to grad school did not really change my short term goals (a BA), I did want to go to a school that had a better turnaround rate for students going into good graduate programs, so I chose a college that had already accepted me years ago back in the day when I was a little high school senior applying for 'real college.'

It was definitely not easy to uproot my life of a year and a half, and move to my least favorite state in this country (where it is COLD ALL THE TIME and is also 4 hours away from Justin

There are upsides, though. I have accomplished so much in my short month here that I never could have somewhere else. I can look forward past just this current week and think, "Yes, I can do this." I have gotten the incredible opportunity to study in Nantes, France for an entire semester this fall, something that never would have happened at PHC. Heck, I can eat in the dining hall without dry heaving.

Do I miss it? Of course. I miss my old roomies, Purcellville, McDonald's being open 24/7, dances, and all of that. I am happier here though, with my classes, my major, and hey, Sheetz is pretty ok, too. I know I did the right thing.

Wow, that was a really big thing to write to all of you! I hope you enjoy reading, and I'll probably be writing more often, now that I'm all settled into my new school! (Haha, I always say I'll write more and then never do. Oh well.)

And so we go.

P.S. I know a lot of my colleagues from PHC will read this and think "Aha! She wasn't smart enough for this school so she ran away!" My answer to you: Whatever dude, I'm going to live in France this fall, what are you plans?

Preamble - Have Faith In Me

                  It was a journey. They all start out that way, right? One second you’re just living your life, the next you’re fighting for it. You push on and on until you feel it will all come crashing down around you. They told you once they would be there forever. That lasted only so long. Now you are alone, and you are running, running away from everything you know to start something new. And it will all start over again.

                  But it’s a journey, not an event.

                  So when I start this, I mean not to give you a tale of hope and happiness. I don’t pretend to have it all together. I won’t fool you into thinking that what you read will be pleasing to your eyes and ears and minds. I laugh at the idea that my story would give your life meaning.

                  What is the purpose, then? To what end to I strive for as I sit behind a keyboard, typing away while I should be reading the countless words of the wise in order to better myself (so they say) and receive a piece of paper saying I am capable? That is all it is really, anyways. So why do I pass this writing before you in hopes that you will read every word, once or twice, maybe three times? Why do I even try?

                  I desire only that you would notice; that you would know I have been; that you would acknowledge my existence; that you would give just one nod to the one who stood by, understood all, believed before denial, trusted before defense, hoped from the bottom of a bruised heart that it would not become stone cold. If only for a moment, please have faith in me.

Brand New

While I live amongst a community of fascinating writers and bloggers, all committed to their writing, I find myself unable to keep up with the daily record of my thoughts and interactions. I am not exactly sure why this is. Depending on my mood, I like to assign it different sources.

1. I just have more of a social life than others, therefore I can't spend time crafting a text post for the public to read/enjoy/dislike/waste their time on. (As you can see, this comes from an insecurity in and of myself and my writing, aimed at many other well meaning writers in an attempt to make myself look/feel better.)

2. I am a terrible writer, and very unmotivated. (While this is incredibly cynical, I cannot think that it is entirely false. I AM very unmotivated. Reality: I spend hours on the computer a day, yet I devote none of them to organizing and publishing my thoughts, or working on my writing.)

3. I am too busy with school. (While this sounds similar to #1 at a first glance, I would hope that my readers can discern the difference. The background thought is still the same, that I have better things to do, yet those better things come from a different source and, fortunately, do not bear insult to my colleagues. Another reality: I don't spend nearly as much time on school as I should.)

Now I hope to be able to sift through these reasons and come to an accurate conclusion, despite my faulty premises. I am inclined to believe that I simply lack the motivation to exercise a little bit of effort in order to craft a piece of writing that is, let's say, above par.

Since I've bored you all with my rant, subsequently attempting to excuse my lack of posts since last semester, I will continue on to real things.

I once was of the sort that severely (and I mean that in the fullest sense of the word) enjoyed physical, written word. By that I mean a book. Paper. Bound. Shiny covers. Smell of newsprint. Stiff new pages versus bent, dog eared pages. The magic of the story was complemented by its feeling in my hands. Not to say that I have completely discarded these feelings of physical reading, but I have recently acquired a Kindle Touch. (By acquired, I mean that my loving, ever longsuffering, and wonderful boyfriend has purchased it for me <3) For a long time, I thought that getting an e-reader would completely tarnish my reputation as a true book lover. How could I ever discard that loyalty to other authors? Now I don't necessarily know if I truly AM discarding this loyalty, but nevertheless, I have been able to get past these feelings and use a Kindle.

Now to the real part. I LOVE MY KINDLE. It is seriously the best investment that has been made on my behalf. I have the majority of my school reading in one place, meaning it ACTUALLY GETS DONE as opposed to being blown off because I don't really feel like carrying all my heavy books around. I have unlimited access to books (many of them free; thanks, Amazon), available at the touch of a screen. I've spent more time reading (academic and recreational) than I have since last summer. That's saying a lot. I believe that reading, of all sorts, is essential to the mind and well being of the individual. Now, I have that opportunity.

In other news, I have gone through about half of the semester without breaking my computer! This is incredible news, and I hope it is received with love and congratulations. I am very proud of myself. Also, Macbooks are exponentially more durable than Acers.

As far as academics go, I believe I have improved. On both of my recent history tests, I improved by 10% compared to last semesters averages. This is PROGRESS. For once in my life, I worked harder and actually accomplished something. Excuse me while I float on a cloud.

I understand that this post is lacking much NEW information on my life, and rather a lot of rambling and stream-of-consciousness thoughts, still I hope it is enjoyed. In the future, I am going to make a concentrated effort to be motivated in writing OFTEN and REGULARLY.

And so we go.

In a world where everything goes

No one understands satire.

People are quick to accuse.

Many put down others without investigation.

No one appreciates humor.

Everyone takes themselves far too seriously.

I'd love to say I'm sorry for offending you, but I'm not.

Have a nice day.

And so we go.

My school is cool.

Can I Just Have Like Two Seconds To Rant?

Ok, here it goes.

I thoroughly despise the amount of hazing/bullying, and all around douchebaggery that goes on at this school.

REALITY CHECK: No one's life is your business and you would be wise to back off. The people who proclaim to be 'good' people, better than others, yet you turn around and just hack on people's lives. No one asked, no one cares.

Equality, Spinney, and French Fries

This is something I've had run ins with since the moment I stepped on to the PHC campus. I signed a contract, and I'm committed to it. Obviously, I've fallen short on a few occasions, not always on purpose (everyone makes mistakes), but for the most part I've complied with the rules that I've agreed to.

However. It absolutely irks me to see how certain girls are targeted with the dress code rules more than others. Now, we're talking about girls who are ALL BREAKING DRESS CODE. Yet some of them will get called out, and others will not. The reasons for this can be anything. In my opinion I believe it's directly related to the physical appearance of those breaking dress code, and the opinions those who are dress coding hold.

My only thing to say on this: there is no reason. All should be treated equally, regardless of who they are or what they look like. Breaking dress code is breaking dress code.

Another thing. People who pretend to understand you when they DON'T and have no idea where you come from and what your life has served you. Everyone has their own background which dictates who they are today. Recognize it and accept it.

On the plus side, I lived through my first Spinney test. I studied my butt off for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and HOPEFULLY it all paid off. I'm just glad it's all over and I won't have to look Spinney in the eye as he says "Spin the wheel of misfortune" ....at least for a little while. I'm not exactly sure what's worse. The test or the sound of that thing.

Ahh! Matthew is coming to stay with me during Homecoming! For those of you who don't know, Matt is only the coolest brother in the entire world. And he's totally coming here after he graduates (or so I say). He's staying in D4, where all the cool guys live. He'll fit in great :)

Well, I should probably go do some homework since I have a Logic paper to write, a Spinney lecture to read, hours of Rhetoric homework and a room to clean. All I know is Jesse better get here with my french fries soon.

And so we go.